So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
