You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
