i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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