He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
where are my eyebrows?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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