I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
