would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
