You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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