i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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