not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can't turn off my feet"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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