So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
