You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
