its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
