I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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