He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
