This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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