I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
