You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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