If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I wish there were birth control emojis
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
