So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
