I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
