Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
