You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize