I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
