Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
