Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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