idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
