Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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