is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
