someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
