If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
