She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
