Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
