dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
