Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
