ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
