I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
