Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
