Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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