who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
