There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
do herpes really smell.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
