Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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