So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
