If i come over, it means nothing
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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