I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
