Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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