I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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