Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
