Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
