I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
