Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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