before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
