I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
