im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
