My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
