eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
