Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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