I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
