she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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