I'm gonna have a badass scar
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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