My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
