I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
