and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
