Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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