Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
