O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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