From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
