What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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