dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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