So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
