I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
