I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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